Zach Snyder's Justice League


All right, now anyone who knows me, knows I love my comic book shit. You have to fuck up really bad for me to be hating on your movie. Like Catwoman and Steel bad. I watched the first JL movie and though it had a lot of flaws, there was still some shit I enjoyed. I've seen that movie at least six times. So, imagine my excitement when we fans finally got our wishes granted for the Snyder cut. I'm happy that we didn't have to wait longer for it, especially since we're in the middle of a damn pandemic.


Some spoilers ahead, but not many and not too detailed.


So, I edged myself all day, until the time was right to watch this movie. Four hours of my life I don't need back. That's right. four hours well fucking spent. this movie answered a lot of questions left open in the first JL movie. Like for one thing, where the fuck did everyone go at Starlabs and the spaceship when they resurrected Superman? And why did the night change to day so quickly?


This movie does take its time setting up the characters. The first two hours are pretty much character development and Batman trying to get the team together. There were some parts that I rolled my eyes so hard on, they damn near popped out my head. Some ppl will say slow motion was overused. I say that shit was abused and it should file a complaint so it doesn't happen again. Like that chick singing as Aquaman walked off into the water. I was like ... "Shut the fuck up with all that racket". The little musical notes added on the slow mo felt excessive and frankly, pompous.


About 33 mins probably could have been shaved off this cut by eliminating unnecessary slow mo. But enough about that. The plot was slow here and there, but I was okay with that because it did let you learn about these characters. What makes them tick, what is motivating them. so you feel for their struggle more. So many of the scenes were so different, it felt like a new movie. I really liked that. Also, you felt the urgency of the threat better. You knew what was at stake if they didn't win. You didn't want Darkseid coming through. And the CGI was a little better on Steppenwolf too. Plus Darkseid looked bad fucking ass.


Now, for some observations.

Steppenwolf had the most muscular, flattest ass I've ever seen. Looking at his booty made me cringe. How you gonna have those many muscles in your ass cheek and STILL be flat as a skeleton back there?


If you ask me, they didn't really try to hide those motherboxes that well. especially the humans. They had that shit in a hole that wasn't even 6 feet deep. Just lazy as hell.


For a min. this movie thought it was made my Disney and not Warner Bros when that butterfly landed on Clark's hand and was fluttering about. Might as well be singing at that point.


The Superman fight with the JL was fun and I liked how they added more to it, making him look like the badass he is. I'm so happy that dumb-ass monologue Superman gave Batman was removed. "You won't let me live, you won't let me die..." who wrote that shit, because I've got a broken beer bottle to shove up their ass for that cheesy shit.


And thank GOD that dumb ass family was removed altogether with their raggedy-ass can of roach spray. Nobody cared about you in the first movie. Good riddance.


Loved how Superman was beating on Steppenwolf like that motherfucker defaulted on a loan he co-signed for.


I liked how Superman attacked Batman in this version. it was more fierce and Batman can see that he took it easy on his ass in B vs S. He treated Batman like he reneged in Spades and cost them two books. LOL


That ending for Steppenwolf is how you go out on a mofo. The JL dropped that Reverse, skip, Uno, Draw four with a color (you don't have in your hand) Uno out on his ass.


I enjoyed myself. yes indeedy. Action was better, the storyline was better, CGI was better, character building was better. You actually see Steppenwolf as more of a threat even though he was an ass-kissing minion. But Darkseid... yeah, he was scary.


Oh, and the Joker was still lame to me. But he did have one funny line. I won't say what it is. Oh, and Lex was still lame to me too, with his jittery ass.


FINAL VERDICT: INNOCENT! INNOCENT! INNOCENT! All of the evidence points to you being set up by a lessor and dumber movie. Your predecessor has a lot to answer for. But you may go free with your R-ratedness, back into the streets to kick ass AND chew bubble gum. Baliff, released this movie now.


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