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Teen Wolf - Movie Review

Updated: Apr 13, 2023


Well, I got to the end.


As a warning, this is a review that will have some spoilers, because I have to break this shit down.




This damn movie was 1 hour too damn long, and I'd bet a month's royalties that they had a budget of $100 and they made the best of it. They were like:


"Look, we've only got $100, so the majority of the special effects will be smoke, and light highlights."


Very little werewolf transformations and if you wanted to see Jackson turn, let me dash your hopes. Don't even know why he was in the movie as he really didn't do anything and he is one of the strongest shifters there. Or at least he was in S2.


The blurb said "A terrifying threat that could be the most powerful and deadliest enemy they’ve ever faced."


And I was thinking, well, what will they come up with? Now, my expectations weren't high, because even in the TV series, the villains of this show after a certain season had zero personality and were just phantoms or whatever to offer some fight scenes and scoop ppl up and put them in netherworlds. It became monotonous really quickly.


And... well, the movie decided to not do anything original one bit. Even bringing back villains they faced in the series. So, I don't see how that was "the deadliest enemy they've ever faced."


THEY FACED THEM ALREADY!


Again, the motivation of the villain was so limited. Like you claim you want to cause massive chaos, but you're only fucking with a handful of supernatural peeps in Beacon Hills? Man, take yo ass on somewhere.


They brought back Allison and spent about 30-40 mins of her being a threat, and maybe that's what they were talking about in the blurb. But even Derek had faced off with her before, so even that doesn't add up.


All this movie did was prove just how weak they are as fighters. And for the humans, if you live in Beacon Hills, why the fuck don't you keep silver bullets on you in case of an emergency? Especially as a cop?


Now, let me get on Scott's whack ass. I've never liked him as the Alpha. They think being nice is the key to being a leader. NO! A leader has to be able to make the hard decisions. Even in the series, others did that for him, like villains he let live because he didn't have it in him to kill them. But others did, like Peter or Derek, etc. If it were up to Scott, they'd have to face those same villains again. Like with Grandfather Argent.


Also, Scott can't fight for shit, even his betas have whooped his ass. And 15 years later, he still can't fight. As an Alpha, you need to the strongest fighter and be able to rule over your pack and be able to take on all challengers. It's just fortunate for him, everyone in his pack are so nice and accommodating.



That was me being extremely sarcastic, by the way. Watching Scott in this movie, I didn't see any leadership, just him chasing his tail.


At one point, they come face to face with one of the lame ass villains and a showdown takes place during a Lacross game. They need to clear out the stadium quickly. What plan do they come up with?


Take a guess:

A. Call in a bomb threat which would immediately cause the evacuation they need.

B. Pull the fire alarm, which would immediately cause an evacuation.

C. Have Scott's grown ass join the game of lacross in order to score a win for the team so the game can end and ppl can calmly go home none the wiser.


Excuse me, but how long is that going to take, and you KNOW ppl drag their ass after games. I thought the objective was to get ppl out of there as fast as possible. And you know what, I never did find out what was the threat? Was there an actual bomb there? The villain was running his mouth whining so much, I may have nodded off and missed it.


Stiles had the good sense to avoid this mess, but I guess the writers thought Derek's 15 year old teenage son could fill his shoes. Ummm, nope. And who was the boy's mother? Did they ever mention her? Like, if Allison had been dead for 15 years, then that means this boy was born at least 9 months before her death. Why was he not mentioned in the series? The math ain't mathing and I hate fucking math!


Man, that's it!


FINAL VERDICT: GUILTY AS SIN IN HELL! Shame on you, movie. And I'm not even going to get on that ending... like really? That's what we doing? And it had the nerve to act like it might be planning some sequel bait. I won't be watching it, as I'd have no reason to.


The best thing in this movie was Peter and the few scenes with Derek. Movie, I sentence you to life in a Maximum Security State prison. Yeah, I said State, none of that cushy Fed Pen for your trifling ass.




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3 Comments


myfwren
myfwren
Jan 29, 2023

As a Tw fic writer I just sat there dumfounded through the film, what was this film..I just want to pretend it didnt happen to be honest.

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myfwren
myfwren
Jan 29, 2023
Replying to

I litterally just watched for the Peter / Chris interactions they made it bearable

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