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Renfield - Movie Review

Saw this film today because... well, I love vampire shit.

If this movie was a high school character, from American Pie, it would be Stifler, all the way.

Just someone not even putting forth any effort, yet still skating by somehow.

The action scenes were cool. Nothing we haven't seen before, but entertaining.

The plotline --- Jesus, I mean... I guess.

I honestly think the plot of Vampire's Kiss had more depth.

Speaking of Vampire Kiss, imagine if Nicholas Cage's character from that movie actually did become a vampire. This would have been that vampire, and now he just gonna act a fool. Vampire's Kiss part 2.

The plot with the cop played by Awkwafina was pretty forced in there. I mean, when you see it, you wonder why she's even a cop. Like, what's the point?

I mean, maybe I'm talking too much about the plot. Forget the plot... hell, the writers did. This is one of those movies where you literally have to leave your brain in the car before going into the theater.

I put mine in the glove compartment, but there was still some residual brain matter inside my skull asking questions as I was watching. So, if you choose to see this film, (Go on a discount day) just make sure you ignore that voice in your head, saying (what the fuck?), If you don't, you'll be looking at this movie sideways, like I was, expecting the plot to make even 10% of sense.

It had some humor, but not that much because the writing wasn't strong enough to be as clever, as say the recent Dungeons and Dragons flick.

Get ready for vampires wasting blood, too. You know how much I LOVE that. (P.S. I really hate that shit. You're hungry, but won't clean your plate? When that doesn't happen, I don't believe you're really hungry.)

Anyway, Nicholas Cage was hamming it up big time. It doesn't have any charm, but for crying out loud, it was better than Cocaine Bear.

FINAL VERDICT: ON PROBATION You lazy bastard! I can't say that I was disappointed in your performance, Movie. I knew what I was getting myself into... I just wished you knew what potential you had to be something like "From Dusk Till Dawn". Bailiff, slap a monitor on this movie's pale, cold raggedy ankle and send it on its way.

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