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Movie Review: Day Shift

The court is in session:

Movie, you stand before me with that cocky expression on your face as if you've earned the right.

Well, you haven't!

You think you can just throw a bomb ass soundtrack at me and I'll overlook everything that's fucked up and just silly as hell about you, let me tell ya, You've got another thing coming.

This movie has one of the things in it that I HATE about vampire hunter movies. And that is how the hunters never or rarely get hurt when fighting supposed supernatural beings that have fangs and claws.

Not one scratch to be seen. Not a splinter, a bruise, a broken bone, a sore back, a hang nail, ripped clothing, nothing. So, when movies decide to do that, it makes your villains look like some punk mofos. There were no stakes, no suspense, no drama. And you can say: "Well, it's campy fun." And I'll counter that with From Dusk Till Dawn. Campy fun, but the struggle was real. They had losses and the battle was also exciting to watch. There were stakes at hand... literally and figuratively.

This movie here, asks that you not only suspend your disbelief but also just sit your brain on the seat next to you right after the opening scene. Just pluck it on out your skull, and set it aside. You won't be needing it while watching this nonsense. If you keep it in like I did, you're going to regret it.

I did chuckle here and there. And the action sequences were well choreographed and cool to watch. The plot was... well... a string of bullshit linked together by action scenes and quips. They hope you're too razzle-dazzled to notice that there isn't much there. Dare I say and damn it, I will... Fast and Furious movies have a more cohesive plot and at least villains that attempt to carry a threat through.

FINAL VERDICT: ON PROBATION! Movie, you're about two decades too late for me to accept vampire flicks where I'll just lower my standards. No bite scenes, lame villains, no stakes, and no risks equate to no love from me. Now, I see you're trying to become a franchise and my expectations are as nonexistent as your plot was. Bailiff, slap an ankle bracelet on this bastard. I want to keep my eye on it to make sure it doesn't do anything else stupid.

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